Friday, September 30, 2016


Not quite perfect,
But a lot to like here.
There are a few edits I could suggest:
Years 14-17 seem an obvious choice;
In particular, that time you sat on your bed,
Wishing you knew what feelings 
Really felt like.

Other parts work better together,
Where there's a strong narrative pull.
I wonder at so much repetition though -
Does it not get dull? It lulls, I know, 
But does anyone really want that?
The washing-up, the meetings, the sleeping -
Over and over.

I question the ending,
And the beginning.
Does the start have to be so vaguely recalled,
And, well, so graphic? 
Would it not put people off the whole thing?
And the ending - I'm not sure I buy it.
Yeah, it seems pretty improbable.
Yeah, too anarchic.

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